Author Topic: How To Sell A Gun!  (Read 995 times)

Burt Gummer

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How To Sell A Gun!
« on: March 11, 2014, 08:51:59 AM »
Just browsing my armslist and stumbled onto this gem and I thought I'd share...

http://www.armslist.com/posts/2767968/madison-wisconsin-rifles-for-sale--gsg-522-bunny-killler

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For Sale: GSG-522 Bunny Killler
Did the Easter Bunny screw you over last year? Squirrels got you down because they always get a nut before you? Well I have the solution for you!
Take a look at the GSG-522, 22LR, rodent and other small animal smoke wagon. This puppy is darn near brand new with only about 100 rounds through it. Never even had chance to put lead downrange at actual critters like prairie dogs at the Vilas Zoo.
What did you say? Does it have upgrades? Frack yeah it has upgrades! The old plastic fixed stock…..gone! It has been replaced with a fancy plastic collapsible stock. Not that run of-the-mill plastic, but plastic made on a completely different day! Metal rail? Shiite yeah it’s metal….mined right here on good ole Terra Firma!
Sometimes 10 rounds is not enough when you are hunting Bugs Bunny, so you are getting 3…that’s right 3…22 round mags. Now you can take care Bugs AND Tweety Bird!
Don’t like the Magpul Vertical Foregrip? You like it angled when you are grabbing your gun? I’m also, this week only, giving you a Magpul Angled Foregrip. I know this is all too much to be true.
Want more? Here it comes!
See that tactical carrying bag in the picture? Well frack my life! That’s yours too!
Ahhh, but I can hear it now. ‘Well….22LR ammo is hard to find, and expensive’.
Do you think I would just leave you hanging?! Hell no! I’m throwing in nearly 1000 rounds of ammo. I say nearly because I’ve used some already…hey don’t judge…I had some of my own Easter Bunny problems a few years ago.
I’d love to bargain….I’d love to barter…..but this package is an absolute steal at $600!
Get this package and you will be smoking squirrels and hanging their balls from your hitch by Spring!

***The writer of the ad does not condone the killing of small animals out of season. Hang balls from your hitch at your own risk.

:gunner:

Offline JohnyMac

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Re: How To Sell A Gun!
« Reply #1 on: March 11, 2014, 09:03:57 AM »
Yeah baby!  :fuckYeah:


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I should start by saying that if you are looking for a “Pajama party Barbie Jeep” you my friend, should keep looking. If you are looking for a short description of to the beast before you, I can offer you two words “MEAT & POTATOES”. This is the All American chariot of the free world.

You are not dealing with any ordinary, cookie cutter Jeep son. This thing was forged from a single block of all American Tungsten Steel. Real sturdy! From that day forward my life has never been the same. Winch yourself off that couch and see if you can handle this Jeep Wrangler Sahara.

So if you are looking for a rice burning hatch back, a solar powered liberal mobile, or even a Hyundai crossover keep on looking my friend this thing is a piece of red white and blue Americana Machinery.

This baby’s pulse is pumping 4.0 liters of uncensored raw fuel through her straight six nuclear power plant. And rest assured this is no metro feminine automatic. . .you command her to obey, with your calloused hand planted firmly on the shifter. And she will obey, the first time, every time. If you can’t handle your stick shifter, or reach the clutch pedal, you better not ferry skip over here wanting to test drive her. If you stall her out, you can count on getting hit in the face with a piece of re-bar and sent back where you came from.

It has A/C but are you kidding me….Really! If you want to blow the sweat off your brow, you do it the old fashioned way: doors off, top down. “What if it rains?”. . .You whiney bitch! I told you to stop reading. . . Any man who drives this beast doesn’t give a damn about rain. Not even skin melting acid rain, Cause he’s already dripping wet in blood, sweat, dip spit, and fish guts.

If you are looking for the kind of jeep that has to be pansy parked in the garage, so the “carpet doesn’t get wet and soggy” Then you should plant your Obama sticker on some Japanese piece of shit. Cause this thing has drain holes in the floor and rhino lined to let the blood drain out from the buffalo you just killed, with your bare hands. Because you are William Wallace from Braveheart and when you get home you can leave your “sissy sponge glove car wash kit” in the pink bucket it came in. Go ahead and spark up your 6000 psi heated pressure washer on the dually trailer in your man cave, cause you are Tim Gillespie and you can pressure wash your truck on the inside. She’s got rhino lined floors with a full roll cage in case that buffalo comes back to life while you’re doing 80 over some mountain pass or flooded river.

If you’re thinking about Mexican chrome bumpers for her, think again. The bumper bashers come hand forged in a blacksmith shop in Franklin County over a wood burnin fire, out of 4 inch well casing, and railroad tracks and then I welded em to the damn chassis. That way if you get deployed you can piggy back this war wagon on a deuce and a half and chain her down tight from the four corners, so you don’t lose her when your convoy gets hit by a taliband roadside suicide bomber.

And forget about putting one of those “It’s a Jeep Thing. . .You wouldn’t understand” stickers on this machine cause when you’re spotted in this American Classic there will be no questions, no further explanation required, people will understand and get out of your way. . …real quick.

If you think you’re ready to park this panty hauler on your tract of land. If you buy this jeep you better go get your old lady ready for some damn changes around your lair, cause this shit will be happening. What will be Happening? Glad you asked….

1. More chest hair.
 2. You’re growing a beard.
 3. Meat Only Diet.
 4. T-Rex for a pet.
 5. You’re taking a job at the lumber mill.
 6. Your car carries five kegs.
 7. Penis enlargement.
 8. Catch more fish.
 9. Wire bristled toothbrush.
 10. Sex in the yard.
 11. Sex in the garage.
 12. All male offspring.
 13. Chiseled jaw line.
 14. Not giving a damn.
 15. Flesh turning to steel.
 16. Higher salary
 17. Promotions.
 18. Better looking wives.
 19. Better looking mistresses.
 20. More golfing
 21. More killing stuff.
 22. More dead animals in the KITCHEN freezer.
 23. More tools in your garage.
 24. Bigger TV
 25. Wife takes out the trash
 26. Four Wheel Drive
 27. Wife brings trash can in from road.
 28. Wife stops bitching about clothes on floor.
 29. Wife stocks fridge with beer.
 30. Chuck Norris.
 31. John McCain
 32. Steaks for dinner.
 33. Winning the Lottery.
 34. Women on the side.
 35. Wrestling with bea
 36. Building shit out of stone.
 37. Riding Lawn Mower.
 38. Bon Fires in cul-de-sac.
 39. Bar Fights.
 40. Wife picks you up from Thee Gentlemen’s Club.
 41. Craftsman Tools.
 42. Jay Bisset.
 43. Welding stuff.
 44. Digging holes.
 45. Huge Piece of meat.

Put your GPS back in your purse.

Sounds good doesn’t it?

This jeep has carried me through 155,000 miles of battlefield twice as gruesome as the second half of the movie “300″. . ..And just like a trusty steed this juggernaut has never left me stranded. If you think you’ve worn her out you drag this beast back to me in any condition. And Ill handle the rest.

But if you think you’re going to get to whip this mule you better pony up Sixty Five Hundred Dollars. . .American Cash. I’m not selling you this car unless you are clearly a pure blooded American Species, so don’t even think about it.


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Burt Gummer

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Re: How To Sell A Gun!
« Reply #2 on: March 11, 2014, 10:02:24 AM »
 :dancingGrenade: That's M1-Amazing!!!! :dancingGrenade: